Long Distance Relationships

 

We have all either been in one like I am right now, know of someone in one or have just simply heard about them.  Every long distance relationship is different.  In today’s world millions of people live happily being in long distance relationships.  Some have met through online social networks and some because of being in the service.  Others are kept apart due to the work.  My long distance relationship is because of college, which can make it even more difficult.  Whatever the reason for a long distance relationship, the one thing they all share in common is that they are a lot more challenging then other relationships.  Long distance relationships have a lot of do’s and don’ts to be successful but in the end can be the most rewarding for both partners.  Some days you may ask yourself is it all worth it, is the missing and heartache something you can handle.  You want to tell whoever said "absence makes the heart grow fonder" to go jump off a bridge.  You feel alone, sad, and your mind begins to wonder maybe it would be better to end it.  At those times you need to remember that these feelings are natural, that people in ordinary relationships often feel the same way.  You need to realize that missing your partner means you want to be with them and that’s what keeps you going.  Easier said then done, I know!

Do they work?

Do long distance relationships work?  Yes, they do…well at least I think they do.  Many long distance relationships work as well or as poorly as any other relationship.  The assumption that they don’t can sabotage the relationship before it even has a chance to start.  The key ingredient when deciding to enter into a long distance relationship is to be optimistic.  Distance shouldn’t be an obstacle if you really love and want to be with someone.  If you want it to work and are willing to put everything you have into making it work, the outcome can and will be everything you thought it would be.  There are many advantages and disadvantages that go into making a long distance relationship work and following them can be challenging, but if you do, in the end you can have the relationship you desire.


For some, distance can help to slowly have a relationship without the consistant pressure of the other partner.  The romance stays kindled because you aren't around the person 24/7 and there aren't routines that get repetitive.  For disadvantages, it is very frustrating there is no intimacy, no hugging or kissing.  The experiences in a normal relationship are missing and it makes it harder to connect.


In the long run it makes seeing each other so much more intense and amazing than it would be if you were in a "normal" relationship.  My life motto has always been "quality over quantity."

The reason I wanted to start a blog about long distance relationships, was to share my experience and everything I have learned with people who are entering one or are in one already.  I have been in my long distance relationship for about a year now and because were both at different colleges in opposite sides on the U.S. (Lincoln, NE and Lowell, MA) we've had our ups and downs.  In the following blogs, I will share with you some good and bad points to being in a long distance relationship.  In my opinion it all depends upon the people in the relationship.  Hopefully you will see what kind of person you are after reading these blogs.

Tip:  Make sure you are both on the same path.  If you are going to jump into a long distance relationship sit down with your partner and figure out what kind of relationship you are going to be in:  serious, monogamous, open, etc.  You must choose what level of commitment you are both on.  In my case we are both serious, however, I have a friend who has been dating her boyfriend for five years and when they went to college they decided they would make their relationship an open one.  That meant that each person could go on dates and meet other people just no "hooking up" or "spending the night."

Communication

Communication in a long distance relationship is one of the most important things you should have.  With today’s modern technology, communicating with your partner should be extremely easy.  You can send text messages, make phone calls, talk online using instant messaging, use your computer's web cam, send emails, love notes/cards, and use Skype just to name a few... 

Communication is all you really have in a long distance relationship, so it is very important that you use it everyday.  Personally my favorite way to communicate with my boyfriend is using Skype.  For those of you who don't know what Skype is, its a free live chat that you can use on the computer or on your phone.  It is a way to talk directly to someone as long as they have Skype as well.  My boyfriend and I use this at least once a week to see each other.  I don't know how long distance relationships would have worked without this.  From seeing him on Skype, even though it isn't in person it still feels like we are hanging out or being on a date.  We can do the littles things and watch tv together, talk about our days, and actually see each other's emotions on the screen.  


Tip:  Don't cancel a Skype date unless absolutely neccessary.  Because it is one of the only ways you get to see your partner, cancelling can hurt.  Treat it like a date not just a phone call and it'll work out perfectly! 

According to Men's Health Magazine Skype actually makes relationships stronger:

Check it out--->  http://news.menshealth.com/skype-relationships/2011/10/14/

Tip 2:  When you are talking to your other, make sure you really talk.  This is important because if your partner doesn't think you are paying attention they will lose interest in you as well.  Make sure your conversations are sincere.  Tell them about your day, how you and your friends did this or that, explain your dreams, thoughts, etc.  Don't be boring!  I know it sounds dumb but I promise it will work and come natural after awhile.  

The Little Things

Sometimes the simplest things a person does for their partner are the most thoughtful way to show you care.

1. Sending a personnel love note or card in the mail

One of the most difficult aspects of long distance relationships is not knowing

 whether your significant other is thinking about you 

and miss you as much as you are them. 

2. Buy a cheesy gift with a meaning:

Last year, my boyfriend bought me a "I'm a sneaky snake" shirt.  

If you haven't seen the video, it's a must ---> VIDEO

It meant a lot to me because he knew it was my favorite youtube clip

and it made me realize how much he pays attention to me and the things I enjoy.

3. Send a yummy treat, like an Edible Arrangement or something from Harry and Davids.  

My boyfriend is obsessed with fruit so this was the perfect gift.  The chocolate covered

fruit is simple, but cute, and he knows I got it for him because it's his favorite.

It's also pretty dang yummy - lemme tell yah.

4.  Send an E-card, Email or a poem 

My personal favorite is this website:  BlueSwami   It's a love letter generator 

where you enter your partner's name and it writes a goofy poem to send them. 

5.  Have pillow talk

My boyfriend actually made this up, but whenever we are both going to sleep 

on the phone or Skype we have pillow talk and tell each other one thing we didn't know 

about the other.  We learn about each other and then when we are actually together

we can do the same.  It's fun and an easy way to fall asleep learning about

your partner. 

Aren't these pillowcases adorable -- I'm probably going to buy these next. 

And there are more here at this website..  

http://boldloft.com/osc/long_distance_love_home.php

6.  Write on the other's Facebook wall or Tweet at them

A fun hello or simple message yet once again can mean a lot to someone. 

I know whenever I see a tweet or post from Zack I get butterflies 

wondering what kind of joke or sweet thing he said to me this time.

7.  Watch youtube videos together

Read more: http://www.lovingfromadistance.com/thingsforldrcouplestodo.html

Trust and Cheating

Trust in a long distance relationship is just as important as communication.  Suspicion can often ruin any type of relationship but in a long distance relationship it can cause the relationship to end.  Separation from your partner can often cause you to become emotional at times.  Having a solid foundation of trust is an absolute necessity for a long distance relationship to be successful.  Personally, I trust Zack because I know how much I mean to him.  He tells me every single day and he trusts me in return.

According to statistics provided by The Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships, 37% of long distance couples split up in the first 3 months of a relationship compared to 21% of traditional (proximal) relationships. However, if a long distance relationship can last the first year, only 8% break up after the first year compared to 25% of traditional relationships. This shows that long distance relationships have the potential to survive longer if a couple can make it through the first few months.

Another way to trust each other is knowing your partner is smart.  It's easy to say you could never cheat on someone but then when the situation arises what do you do?  Why even put yourself into a situation though if you could potentially hurt the one you care about.  Stay out of sticky situations, they can only harm your relationship.  Being in college there will be a lot of temptations, parties, etc.  Just set boundaries for yourself and your partner so you know where each other stands.  Be open about everything and everything will work out perfectly.


Example:  My boyfriend and I are two completely different people.  He is a responsible, smart, athetic person and I am smart and responsible too, but I tend to go out a lot more with my friends.  He cannot because of his sport.  We have had talks before when he tells me he trusts me but he doesn't trust other people.  He knows I would never do anything to hurt him but he knows "what other guys think."  Whenever I go out he knows I am with my friends and sorority sisters who are watching just in case.  I think it helps that he feels like he knows them because I have introduced my girl friends on Skype and on the phone.



Statistics found at: http://www.toponlinecolleges.com/blog/2011/10-tips-for-long-distance-college-relationships/

Honesty and Jealousy

Honesty, is extremely vital for every long distance relationship.  The relationship will last longer depending on the amount of honest communication between both people.  Being honest will also reduce stress and jealousy.  Being honest with each other will keep silly fights to a minimum and resolve fights faster.  Mostly probably prevent fights.  Then you will know exactly what page each other is on.   Being honest with how you are feeling will keep your relationship strong.


One time my boyfriend and I got into a pretty big argument because I was feeling sad and he didn't understand what I was talking about.  I had held in some things that bothered me that were little but it grew into a bigger problem because I wasn't honest right away.  We learned that it works much better to tell each other right away if something is bothering us or anything really that is on our minds.


It is also good to compromise.  You may have to compromise with the girls or boys to make more time for your relationship.  The willingness to get on the phone after dinner to say hi will improve communication and let the other person know you care.


Without honesty relationships would just be a lie.


Remember without honesty, jealousy can lead to all sorts of problems.  Your imagination can go into overdrive when you hear your partner was hanging around the opposite sex.  But you have to remember, your partner will have a social life where they are at just as you do.  If you let your jealousy get in the way you will for sure ruin the relationship.  

Stay Positive

Because long distance relationships do get sticky sometimes, make sure you stay positive!  

According to a study performed by The Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships (yes, this place exists), 25 to 40 percent of all romantic relationships among college students are in some way long distance. If you're in college, it's not unlikely you'll have a long distance relationship to manage at some point.  info found at http://www.toponlinecolleges.com/blog/2011/10-tips-for-long-distance-college-relationships/

See the glass half full instead of half empty. People who are involved in successful long distance relationships are realistic.  They accept the fact that their relationship is going to have its own set of unique challenges.  Rather than getting down and complaining of the obstacles, look for creative ways to minimize the distance and focus on the positive aspects.  




Another way to stay positive is to keep your mind off of things.  It can get tough when you can't concentrate because all you are doing is thinking of your special someone.  It can be easy to forget about actual life and only care about an up coming phone call or Skype date.  Being in college makes it even more difficult with papers, tests, projects, etc.  Don't be the guy or girl who doesn't do well in school or go out with friends because all they want to do is think about their long distance love life.  College is the time to screw up and learn who you are.  To grow as a person you must learn to meet new people, have fun, and move beyond old habits.  

Be flexible as well!  Flexibility will prove that you are willing to be there for that person even when a Skype date or phone call wasn't planned.   On the otherhand, things will be postponed or cancelled but moving forward and not getting down about it will make the relationship stronger.  Everything happens for a reason.  

Planning for the Future

One thing I have found to be quite the high point is actually seeing my boyfriend.  Planning for the future is something all long distance couples must do.  I don't mean get engaged or talk about weddings and babies, but you should plan your visits in advance so there is always something to look forward to.  Being busy with work, school, and sports (my boyfriend plays hockey constantly) can really dip into time you may want to try to spend with your partner.  Try and space visits out evenly, if you were to see them a lot in the first half of the year and barely any in the second half things will seem to drag on.  The time apart will seem like forever.  You can even start a countdown; I used my sticky notes on my mac and every day that goes by I reduce a day until I see my man.

Tip:  Planning for the future shouldn't be scary.  It is safe to say that long distance relationships aren't meant to be long distance forever -- so make arrangements for how long it will be until you live in the same area.


Tip 2: Visit as often as possible!  The more you see each other the more you will be reminded of how amazing the future will be.  


And speaking of visits, my boyfriend and I made arrangements to spend an entire month together in Atlanta, Georgia with his family.  We plan on going to six flags, the beach, and maybe even a Brave's game.